45 Caliber Jesus
This blog is more or less a collection of things people have said to me that made me laugh at one point, or (in a lot of cases) still make me laugh to this day. Mostly I'm keeping these here because I always forget the simple things, like these, that make my day, and I don't want to do that. Also, because the people in my life are hilarious.
Feel free to follow this if you think the quotes are funny, although I will admit that most of them make very little sense if you don't personally know any of us. I don't post very often, but I will continue to update periodically because... stuff.
HOKAY.
(PS: the title of the blog is a reference to Stephen Colbert, the URL is a reference to an SNL skit with Christopher Walken titled "Meet the Family")
Feel free to follow this if you think the quotes are funny, although I will admit that most of them make very little sense if you don't personally know any of us. I don't post very often, but I will continue to update periodically because... stuff.
HOKAY.
(PS: the title of the blog is a reference to Stephen Colbert, the URL is a reference to an SNL skit with Christopher Walken titled "Meet the Family")
| Zach: | I apparently just outed myself for knowing things like [what a duvet is] |
| Ryan: | [doesn't know what a duvet is] ...yeah you did. This is just a normal fucking comforter, not like a penis grabber or some shit |
Scattergories
| Mom: | "leisure activities"? |
| Ashley: | ...ovulate |
| Me: | REALLY!!? ~Oh yeah I like to OVULATE in my down time, it helps me relax~ |
| Ashley: | I DONT KNOW YOUR LIFE |
| Mom: | I need to make time- |
| Dad [interrupting]: | -with a wounded hand?? |
"Maybe if you leave it in there long enough you’ll get ninja turtles."
Koepke re: splinters (via toastmeister)
(Source: olga-lemongrass)
| Gas station employee: | Would you like a muffin? |
| My dad: | Do I look like a moose? |
What is the name of this comic/where is it originally from?
(Source: awesomephilia, via olga-lemongrass)
fishsticks and fiddletwits: So at my job there this a regular who comes in every day and drinks... →
So at my job there this a regular who comes in every day and drinks from about 3 to 7 (I serve at a bar). Usually I can’t understand what he’s saying because he slurs so much, but he’s a pretty cheerful guy, he likes to quack at people and pretend he’s a duck. Today I guess he was giving advice…
Remember when I posted about this guy a while ago? The other day I passed him on his way to the bathroom and he stopped to give me a hug and tells me he loves me.
omgz I have a boyfriend guise
Did I mention he quacks? If you ask anyone who Bob is, they will tell you “he’s the resident quack-er.”
(Source: olga-lemongrass)
| Me: | I've dated two guys who turned out to be gay. |
| Eric: | All of the guys I've ever dated turned out to be gay! |
| shannon: | sometimes i like to answer the phone (if its the other bakery) with really heavy breathing |
| it entertains me |
| Fern: | I can't eat the whole loaf right now. |
| that would be ridiculous | |
| Me: | I feel like that statement will precede you eating the whole loaf right now. |
| Fern: | nooo |
| Me: | *ten minutes later* "I did it" |
| Fern: | it's a pretty big loaf |
| I'm not that hungry | |
| Me: | thats what she said |
| omfg | |
| Fern: | hahahahahahahaha |
| Me: | I'm sorry xD |
| Fern: | hahahaha |
| awww | |
| <3 |
